Worried you’ll miss the chance to hear your grandparents’ stories? Here’s how to interview elders for family history: plan a few questions, keep sessions short, ask permission to record, and let them lead.
This guide belongs to the community stories section, which collects ways to keep family and local voices for the future.
| Item | Value |
|---|---|
| Suggested length of a session | One hour or less |
| Suggested time for each answer | Five minutes or less |
| Question style | Short, open-ended, one at a time |
| When to book the first session | Within the next month |
| Length cap on Megilla video clips | Three minutes |
| Life-stage question groups | Childhood (0-12) to adult (56+) |
These figures come from the MyHeritage Wiki interview guide and My Jewish Learning’s interview guide. Guidance and website features can change, so check the sources before you rely on them.
Plan the interview before you sit down
A good conversation starts with clear goals. The PBS History Detectives guide suggests you write a list of things you would like to learn, built on what you already know: names, places of origin, dates, births, marriages and deaths (PBS History Detectives).
Time is the next thing to plan. MyHeritage advises that most interviews run one hour or less, and it suggests telling your relative you would like a response of five minutes or less to each question (MyHeritage Wiki). Tired storytellers remember less, so a short session you can repeat beats one long afternoon.
Use this simple order of work:
- Decide who you want to interview and why.
- Choose a format: in person, by video call, or by letter or email.
- Contact them in the way they like best, and say what the interview is for.
- Write your questions, then trim them to the ones that matter most.
- Book a quiet place and a time that suits them, not you.
Reaching the right person can be the hardest step. MyHeritage notes that older relatives who don’t know you personally won’t respond well to a phone call, so a cousin who knows them better can make the first introduction (MyHeritage Wiki).
Practice helps too. PBS suggests you try your questions on a close friend or immediate family member first, and it reminds readers that you may only get one chance to interview someone, so you should make your questions count (PBS History Detectives).
Don’t wait for the perfect moment. My Jewish Learning quotes a rabbi who advises anyone with the urge to designate some time in the next month and put it on the calendar (My Jewish Learning).
Etiquette that keeps elders comfortable
Begin by asking permission. MyHeritage says that if you use a digital recorder or smartphone app, you should ask the person first and take time to explain the tool and the process (MyHeritage Wiki).
Next, set out their boundaries. My Jewish Learning advises that you thank them for their time and tell them they don’t have to answer every question and can take a break at any time. It adds that past traumas or love affairs may be off limits (My Jewish Learning).
During the conversation, these habits help most:
- Don’t interrupt. If a good question comes to mind, jot it down and save it for later, as MyHeritage suggests.
- Don’t correct them. MyHeritage says not to challenge inaccurate information, because you can sort it out when you compile the stories.
- Follow their lead. PBS says to let the interviewee go in a different direction if they want to, since that is often where the most interesting details appear.
- Be tactful. Family Tree magazine notes that a relative may not wish to chat about certain topics.
- Keep it private. MyHeritage recommends a one-on-one format, except at a family gathering.
Some elders open up more for a younger listener. MyHeritage suggests considering the grandchildren as the ones who ask the questions (MyHeritage Wiki). You can also ease nerves by helping them feel at ease and in control of the situation, in PBS’s words (PBS History Detectives).
Finally, learn to enjoy silence. My Jewish Learning quotes the writer Marla Schuchman: long pauses give the other person time to fill in the blanks (My Jewish Learning). Put your phone away and wait before you jump in with the next question.
Which questions should you ask?
Start with easy ones. Family Tree magazine recommends simple opening questions to put your relative at their ease (Family Tree). Keep each one short and open-ended, and ask them one at a time, which MyHeritage says works best (MyHeritage Wiki).
MyHeritage groups its prompts by life stage, from childhood (0-12) and teenage years (13-19) through adult years (20-25, 26-40 and 41-55) to adult (56+). The examples below follow the same idea; adapt them to the person in front of you.
- Childhood: What was your home like, and who lived there with you?
- Teenage years: What did you do for fun, and what did you want to become?
- Young adulthood: How did you meet the people who mattered most to you?
- Midlife: What work or responsibilities filled most of your days?
- Later life: What has surprised you most about getting older?
Facts alone leave gaps. My Jewish Learning points out that who, what, where, when and why are building-block questions, but they don’t tell the whole story, so also ask how events made the person feel and what lessons they took from them (My Jewish Learning).
Bring photographs and keepsakes. PBS calls a photograph a useful trigger (PBS History Detectives), and MyHeritage adds that you should bring props out one by one (MyHeritage Wiki). Ask what the object means to them, not only what it is.
Do not forget the generation before. My Jewish Learning reminds interviewers to ask about the person’s own parents and grandparents, since your relative may be one of the last living links to them (My Jewish Learning).
Recording tips that keep it simple
You don’t need a studio. My Jewish Learning says a smartphone voice recorder in a quiet room will do the trick, and that this is simpler and less costly than hiring a company to make a feature-quality video (My Jewish Learning).
Recording also frees you to listen. The same article advises that you record the conversation so you can focus on what the other person is saying without scrambling to take notes.
Before you start, run through a short checklist:
- Charge your phone or camera and test the sound. Family Tree magazine says to make sure your video camera is fully charged (Family Tree).
- Choose a quiet room away from televisions and kitchen noise.
- Say the date, place and the names of everyone present at the start of the recording.
- Save a copy straight after, in a second place.
Short clips can work well for relatives who tire easily. As a neutral example, My Jewish Learning describes the website Megilla, which helps seniors record and upload smartphone videos answering one of its 700 prompts, with videos capped at three minutes so they are easy to watch and share (My Jewish Learning).
If you can’t meet face to face, write instead. PBS says you should consider a letter or email, explain who you are and what you hope to achieve, and reassure them of your good intentions and how the information will be used (PBS History Detectives).
After the interview: keep, check and share
Write up your notes soon, while the conversation is fresh. MyHeritage’s guide treats follow-up as its own stage, with sections on privacy, on whether stories are published or private, and on documenting the process (MyHeritage Wiki). Ask your relative what may be shared and what should stay in the family.
Check the details later, not during the interview. Memories are valuable even when a date is wrong, and records can fill the gaps afterwards. To test a story against documents, read about how to research local history.
If you gather stories from several relatives or neighbours, you may want a bigger plan. These oral history project ideas show ways to turn single conversations into a shared collection.
Last, say thank you. My Jewish Learning’s rabbi describes showing that you care about a person’s life and stories as an expression of love (My Jewish Learning). A copy of the recording or a printed page is a kind way to return the favour.
Frequently asked questions
How long should an interview with an elder last?
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MyHeritage advises that most interviews should be one hour or less. You can book further sessions if there is more to tell (MyHeritage Wiki).
What if they don’t want to talk about something?
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Respect it. My Jewish Learning advises telling them at the outset that they needn’t answer every question and can take a break at any time (My Jewish Learning).
Do I need special recording equipment?
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No. A smartphone voice recorder in a quiet room is enough, according to My Jewish Learning (My Jewish Learning). Always ask permission before you press record.
What if I can’t visit in person?
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PBS suggests a letter or email. Introduce yourself, explain your goals, and send a basic questionnaire first (PBS History Detectives).
